I’m not down
I’m hurting. I’m in debt, my kids unknowingly conspire against me because of expectations set up by my ex, I’m doing work (and it’s completely transactional relationship built) and I’m paying to do it, It’s hard to see the good right now… but I’ll try (disclaimer: I feel like a used car salesman selling myself a lemon when I do these):
- I am running – niggle in the ankle aside I’m running okay and believe I will be in prime shape for June
- I’m engaged in meaningful spiritual stuff – I’ve been selected to be part of the lay ministry at First U and for leadership development (even though I’m an atheist) . I meet with my sponsor for alcoholism recovery weekly and almost weekly I’m working with another recovering drunk (who is not an atheist, AT ALL)
- I am playing music –maybe not what I want all the time, but I am playing and sharing that gift with others
- My wife is friggin’ awesome
- I was able to contribute $5 for a present (entry into Cayuga Trails 50) for a local runner who just lost his job, and recently got engaged – the trailrunning/ultra community in Rochester is just awesome
- I’m writing right now
- My Buddhist Book Club meets tomorrow – Happiness by Mathieu Ricard
- Last night, when my anger toward my ex was compounded, and I was seething, I was able to go downstairs and just sit for about 15 minutes – unfortunately one of the cats then thought she should scream at me for the entire 15 minutes.
The title of the Blog is Live, Love, Listen
Living does not mean it’s going to be easy or always pleasant, it sometimes means fulfilling obligations when they need to be met.
Loving right now means picking myself up and remaining in community with my wife, kids, and assorted communities.
Listening, well 15 minutes last night listening to the cat scream was actually better than 15 minutes listening to my thoughts run.